This has been a rough week complete with migraines shared by many (yes, Wendy and L.T., I’m looking at you), I thought I’d share something a student passed on to me. It’s a list of extracts from actual high school essays in which students were asked to use analogies and metaphors.
I’m warning you, if you’re drinking something right now, you should swallow and put the cup down. Some of these almost made me shoot water out my nose.

1. She grew on him like she was a colony of E. coli and he was room-temperature Canadian beef.
2. From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you’re on vacation in another city and Jeopardy comes on at 7:00PM instead of 7:30.
3. They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with white picket fences that resembled Nancy Kerrigan’s teeth.
4. She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up.
5. He spoke with a wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.

Hehehe. Yeah, there will be more fun analogies and metaphors to come at a later date. Happy Thanksgiving Eve to all you Americans out there!