Today I was inspired by Natalie Whipple over at Between Fact and Fiction to write a new paragraph to start my first chapter. My intro starts with dialogue and I never really liked that. Plus that meant I couldn’t really enter Nathan’s contest!
So here’s my new intro. Natalie made a great point that the first paragraph should kind of encapsulate the whole novel.
Eureka!
The paragraph kind of wrote itself (during my conference period when I’m supposed to be making copies). It’s really rough and needs fluffing, but here it is for comments.
————————
If only she were a boy. A boy wouldn’t need to climb a tree to escape Thutmosis and his stupid slingshot. A boy could pummel her brother and break that slingshot over his obnoxious little face and still get away with it. If only.
Very Nice… I'm particularly fond of the correct usage of 'were' instead of 'was' 🙂
I like it! Solid 🙂
Are you going to enter it?
*chants* Do it! Do it! Do it!
Nice! I like it!
I don't know if I agree that the first paragraph should encapsulate the whole novel, but I do think it should give an indication of what's to come.
I get a sense of what kind of a story and what kinds of characters I'm in for with the intro paragraph you've posted above.
Good for you!
Cheers, Jill
http://www.jilledmondson.blogspot.com
I entered the paragraph, but with a few changes. Talk about stiff competition! 🙂
Very well done, Stephanie. I like this version of the opening much better than the dialogue. The fact that we get a window into who Hatshepsut is doesn't hurt either.
Yep. I'm intrigued!