In honor of this being the second to last week of school before summer break (and the fact that this week I will grade 50 projects, 75 final exams, and 100 essays), I am unplugging. Must. Stay. Sane.

However, I wanted to leave you with an encore presentation of Student Analogies and Metaphors! Without further ado, here are some lovely metaphors, compliments of America’s youth!

1. Her artistic sense was exquisitely refined, like someone who can tell butter from “I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter.”

2. She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up.

3. It came down the stairs looking very much like something no one had ever seen before.

4. The knife was as sharp as the tone used by Rep. Sheila Jackson Lee (D-Tex.) in her first several points of parliamentary procedure made to Rep. Henry Hyde (R-Ill.) in the House Judiciary Committee hearings on the impeachment of President William Jefferson Clinton.

5. The red brick wall was the color of a brick-red Crayola crayon.

Okay, since I just finished teaching Clinton and the 90’s, I will say #4 is pretty funny. But I love #5. Which one made you snort your coffee up your nose this morning?